Posts in Tongue In Cheek

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Senior Citizen Crawl

Then, it struck me. At 55, I would qualify for senior discounts. Now, I may look all “old lady,” but I still feel like a 19 year-old most days. I have more knowledge and I am wise… sort of. That’s what I tell my children anyway. I don’t want to be a senior citizen, but what we cannot change we must embrace. So, I decided to spend my birthday on a Senior Citizen Crawl. I hit all the places that define senior citizen as 55 and above. This is important because seniors get discounts. That’s good, right?
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Karma for Good Rednecks

I learned in High School World History class that Buddhists believe that having completed one life, the disembodied soul chooses the next life as a way to fulfill its unmet karma. So, if one is a good person, they may choose from Menu A lives, which includes a higher socioeconomic level. If a person has done okay but is rough around the edges, they may choose from Menu B lives, which are little less enviable in status and culture, and perhaps will include greater amounts of manual labor. People who committed crimes or hurt other people must pick from the Poverty Menu. Then, really terrible people become mosquitoes and flies. Excellent people seem to become cows and this makes no sense to me at all, because cows attract mosquitoes and flies.
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Dear Adult Kids

Dear Adult Kids, I will always love you no matter what. Of all the things that have exited my body, you are my favorite! I can't help being old. Stop making fun of me I am not your bank, but I am your friend. I will loan you money and you can count on me to help you move. You’re welcome for the awesome hair. Don’t get upset with me when I say you’re cute. You still remind me of that snot-nosed three year-old, who hugged me all the time and thought I was awesome. It’s not your job to validate my parenting success by looking or acting like a clone.
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OMG! I'm a Blogger

I said it last Monday, at our writer’s gathering, which consists more of beer drinking and talk of writing than actual writing. “Hi. I’m Sue Claridge. I’m a blogger.” “Hi Sue,” the group responded with giggles. It’s not an anonymous meeting and it’s in a pub, so nothing with twelve items that involved steps or traditions were read.
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Locked Out and Broken In

Next, it was time to bring in the things that didn’t require refrigeration. I opened the trunk with my remote key hanging in the coat closet. I inspected the front door lock. I thought to myself, “I do not want to lock myself out on a day like today!” It was about 10 degrees cooler than hell’s polar region. I carefully shut the door to keep the coolness inside instead of out. Click. Yep, that stupid door locked anyway.
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