In the twilight of the morning, I listened for the voice of God. That hovering area between sleep and wakefulness, my mind is engaged enough to hear; but, it’s too blurry to argue. I get no great orations, no poetry or tomes of wisdom. All God can do is squeeze in one word, one single word.
My Love repeats it over and again to drill through the dullness of the morning fog. Today, that word was incubate. I heard it and sleepily thought, “Yeah, that fits. Cool.” So, my Lord said it again, incubate. In. Cu. Bate. Syllables were emphasized as though they were three separate words. I wondered why this was necessary, until I awoke fully and thought, “What was that word again?” The syllables repeated slowly again and I had to chuckle.
I am incubating. I am choosing to work for money as I am able, but to focus on writing. I have a newsletter, a blog, and have begun a book. Everything that is rational inside my head is screaming “Get out there and make some money!” Everything that is holy about me is saying the opposite. Today, God said, “Incubate.”
An egg in an incubator sits away from its mother, alone. Even if it is with other eggs, it is not parented, not sharing a womb: it exists singularly, warm, but lonely. Yet, inside is the beginning of life, the genesis of something new, hidden and unseen. The shell may appear to be the end product, but it isn’t. Once hatched, the shell will be discarded as the new life leaves it behind.
Incubating is not unlike a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. What I am becoming is not clear. I only know that I am not cracking that egg open, not slipping from my cocoon, until I know that I have outgrown it and it is time to emerge.
I am seeking my own purposes. I am buying my freedom back by refusing the bondage of what I ought to do or who I ought to be, in order to simply be. And, that is why I need the protection of a shell. The mystery of what is going on inside will be revealed in time. It may be fragile odd contraption, but it is what I need to incubate.
(Image by: Flickr User Linda Tanner)