I began as someone’s child and the decisions I made were filtered through very strict, demanding, and abusive parents. I married a few months prior to graduating college and my aspirations were filtered through a husband who was selfish and overbearing. When my children were born, they were my biggest priority, and even though the marriage ended, their needs did not. However, they are grown now and I am single. The decisions I make are based solely on my needs: I no longer have anyone to look after or to placate.
I do not have any obligations to any other human. I can live my life and make choices without concern for the impact it will have on others in my care, because I am the only person in my care. I choose to live an ethical life and my moral compass is the golden rule. It’s more complicated than that, but I have found peace in my spirituality and that includes treating humans with dignity. My actions will only affect me. This is the first time in my entire life that this has been true.
Having my own business provides me freedom as it currently generates enough income to live modestly. Because it is mostly online and I can conduct it anywhere, that opens many windows of opportunity. I have so few barriers and so many choices.
I can live anywhere.
I can work in several different fields, but I am free to do that which brings me joy.
I can be who I am, consistently and wholly.
I don’t know exactly what I want because I could never have it before. Dreaming about what I couldn’t have made me sad. Now that I am able to seek my bliss, I have to discover what life I wish to lead. It’s as exhilarating as it is overwhelming. The only barrier to my success and happiness is fear; and, I choose not to succumb to it. I am able to be authentic and real and true to myself. My options do not include the words “I ought to” or “I should.” Without these restrictions, I have no confines. It is a new sensation for me.
Step one is making time. Step two is experimenting. I begin today on April 11, 2016. I grant myself a gift no one else has, time to discover. Thus, my year of living experimentally.
My goal is to become what I have never had the courage to be, to express myself genuinely without fear, and to become fully who I am without worrying about rejection or reprisal. I don’t know what form these aspirations will take. I do know that I must seek them out.
In the coming year, I may surprise you or alarm you by acting uncharacteristically. My hair may get purpler than ever. You might just wonder what the heck I am up to. Remember, I am experimenting and it’s only a year. But, it is my year.
(Image by: Flickr User Doug Belshaw)